“would you like fries with that?” 9/8/10

First things first - Happy Birthday Jewyann by beautiful sister


Day 3 of my captivity

Food, food and more food, will this torture ever end, endless choices, I even suspect the vegetables have sugar on them and the great news is everyone on board is expected to gain 7 to 14 pounds (3.5 to 7 kgs) no wonder T2DM is epidemic in the USA, no portion size constraints and every meal is 3 courses – bloody fantastic, if only I can get my body to store it into a valuable resource so that when we enter countries where we can’t afford to eat I can live off the stored fat – oh that’s right it’s called my exploding arse.
So much for Bradley being adopted as a toy boy by a rich widow or divorcee with a chateau in France and Italy, the average age on the cruise is 40 and other then one couple that only wears designer clothing and is from Portugal we think we are the richest people on board – how sad dam the GFC looks like we are going to have to do it the hard way.
2nd mission was for me to inform everyone on board that it is my birthday this week, well I must have done a reasonable job as the captain himself wrote me a personalised letter, (I suspect it was his way to stop me harrassing the passengers) I would like to say that I achieved the Reece challenge of 60 / 60 / 60 in 60 minutes inform 60 people over 60 that it is my birthday on Thursday. Mmmmmm a little difficult I don’t believe there are 60 people over 60 and with 2,500 guests that’s saying a lot. (When I asked Brad how many people were on board he actually replied in gross weight there were 5,000 people, my god they are huge and I mean huge even with me eating desert B/L/D I am still considered tiny).
We actually got off the boat yesterday in Maui, apparently there were turtles on the neighbouring beach, a 10 minute walk later we stumbled into a Kiwi talked for 30 minutes and went back to the boat. That was the big adventure of the week so far.
Don’t worry MD I have been training of a sort went to the gym did lots of energetic stuff even impressed Bradley. Yesterday I went down to level 6 (were on level 10) and ran around the boat – note of advice, when asked by the maintenance guys how many laps I plan on doing, lie, the bastards started counting every time I went passed them so I couldn’t even cheat – 1 lap is a 1/3 of a mile or in my language almost a whole song and too bloody far, I seriously thought I was going to die. I then found out at dinner that night that there are about 3 restaurants that look onto the track – god it’s amazing that no one came out to give me mouth to mouth resuscitation I must have looked half dead. As some of you may have realised I have posted this post event, the internet charges on the boat are to put it mildly astronomical, so I have to wait until dry land – or I guess we could move our lazy arses and leave the boat mid cruise but who wants to do that when we have a deck chair, a good book, a waiter willing to serve our every need and lots and lots of people to look at.






4 sleeps, 1 birthday and 45 courses to go.

Brad's Post

Well, I imagine Cook might have had it a little harder. I'm pretty sure the Endeavour didn't have 11 resteraunts, 5 bars, 3 swimming pools a driving range and 24 hour room service. Nonetheless, I felt a certain affinity with the great man as we sailed past the beach where he was speared to death. I too did not want to risk getting off the boat... I might lose my spot by the pool.

All in all, a great week and a great way to start our trip. Would have been perfect were it not for a slight hiccup in planning. Christine's birthday smack in the middle of the week. Nightmare! Well, not too many people on a ship with 3,000 on board failed to understand the significance of the date... except me, who neglected to acquire a card. Only my beloved could be in first week of a 12 month holiday and feel jipped because they didn't get a piece of cardboard with a crappy poem (by yours truly) stuck in the middle of it! This will apparently cost me but I am not scared. She thinks the make-up present will be in New York, but in fact it will be in Calgary - possibly a left over t-shirt from the last winter olympics. We'll see.

Not much to report about the cruise itself. Basically an eat-a-thon in which Christine scored an honourable mention. She may have mentioned her exploding arse, well on this boat she looked like Kate Moss. There were some big, big people on board. Christine should have kept her job and sold diabetes drugs direct to all of them. A little worrying actually. Must have gone to the gym 5 times out of pure fear.

Only thing worth mentioning was an Italian couple that had every fashion label under the sun and 3 changes of swimwear a day. The guy had a pair of 'white' speedo's. Respect.

Back on dry land - diet begins

We survived, all those drills with life vests and boats not needed thankfully.
Well my birthday was brilliant, thank you so much to everyone that emailed me, facebooked me and even those that managed to txt me on my Aussie mobile. It started midnight Australia time and finished midnight Hawaii time, I scored two birthday songs from at least 20+ strangers, two birthday cakes, a card from Mum and Dad and a purse and necklace from Aunty Janine (very sneaky) which I wore on the 2nd birthday night. Overall very satisfying - I also scored huge points off Bradley who stupidly did not get me anything not even a card - it is going to cost him something shiny in New York or a painting but it will cost him.

The cruise was surprisingly great, after our less then fruitful 1st trip off the boat we did in fact leave again on the 12th to venture out on dry land. Naturally like all self respecting women I forced Bradley to go to the largest shopping village on the Island of Kauai where we opened Brads i-pad and hacked into a wireless server and I got to read all of my emails. Only problem was the computer kept on jamming so naturally all my lengthy replies were lost - sorry family (they were to you). Wow everything they say about Cosco are true, Kmart is still the same and the only purchase came from Boarders - thanks Bun for the birthday books - still want something shiny though.

We found out all about our ship mates, the more interesting ones that was - the Portuguese couple were in fact Italian - couldn't speak a word of English but Brad definitely had cloths envy from the guy - wow he even made budgie smugglers look good and his shoes !!!! Of course the girl was pretty amazing as well - only problem was we couldn't communicate enough to find out if this chance meeting would benefit us down the track so our short lived couple envy is now over.

The other group of people I was fascinated with was this family that appeared to come straight out of the Sopranos. 3 generations of family on one boat, of course it became less interesting when we discovered that they were not in fact from New Jersey but Texas and the grandparents from Australia - but that did not stop my vivid imagination at all.

Unfortunately since I wrote my original Blog on the 9th I stopped exercising and started eating in earnest, needless to say I am now on a forced diet of air and water until my I stop looking like a sack of potatoes in a tight moo moo.

Heading off to Las Vegas tomorrow really looking forward to it, have enjoyed relaxing in the shade (would you believe I think I am actually whiter then when I left Sydney) but now let the real travelling begin. Signed CT

Sorry Dad for the Arse and bloody comments I promise that is the max I will swear anyway both are anatomical terms.